work in progress.

I love getting poems (scanned into pdf from a book!) in my email from dear friends. In the email, my friend shares some profound thoughts: “i think i often forget how cool language can be and how a few words can mean so many different things. sometimes it’s a wonder that we ever understand each other.”

#love #poetry

2 years ago on November 30, 2010 at 10:09am

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Goodbye to Love - The Carpenters

A year or so ago, I told myself that I would never sing this song again. The Secret instructed me to purge negative thoughts, negative songs, negative people from my life because they would only attract that valence.

Yet, this song has long been one of my favorites. I was always drawn to the melodramatic self-pity and frustration (“I’ll say goodbye to love, no one ever cared if I should live or die. / Time and time again, the chance for love has passed me by”) juxtaposed by layered harmonies and a killer guitar solo at the end that say to the world, “I’m fine! No, really!” I would sing Goodbye to Love in the shower when I knew that my roommates weren’t home, catharting my own hopelessness to an aquatic audience of metaphorical tears I could not cry in the open with family and friends who looped a chorus of “You are amazing. / You will find someone someday. / He will come along.”

I shared this song with one of my past failures, M. We argued, as we often did with fiery passion, about the message of the song. I insisted on suicide-inducing despair, he said he thought it was a song of hope. But…there are no tomorrows for this heart of mine!…Loneliness and empty days will be my only friend! I chalked it up to his eccentricity and naiveté.

Recently things clicked for me: loneliness is a fact of life, and I would rather make friends with loneliness than be in a less-than-awesome situation. When Karen says “Goodbye to Love,” she is saying goodbye to something that she hasn’t truly known, though she’s tried so hard to find: “All the years of useless search have finally reached an end.” An ideal that may never be found. The song is not a resignation, but an acceptance of our existential isolation with faith (and yes, hope!) that there will come a time of relief - just not now:“Surely time will lose these bitter memories and I’ll find that there is someone to believe in and to live for, something I could live for.”

And so, like Karen Carpenter, I am embracing loneliness and saying goodbye to “Love,” whatever the hell I thought that was. Instead of searching or waiting, I will accept and recognize all the love that already exists in my life. I will continue to practice the art of loving, giving without fear of not receiving it in return.

#music #carpenters #love #potential overshare #stories

2 years ago on October 04, 2010 at 10:41am

Notes

Anguish of Romantic Rejection May Be Linked to Stimulation of Areas of Brain Related to Motivation, Reward and Addiction ›

“This brain imaging study of individuals who were still ‘in love’ with their rejecter supplies further evidence that the passion of ‘romantic love’ is a goal-oriented motivation state rather than a specific emotion” the researchers concluded, noting that brain imaging showed some similarities between romantic rejection and cocaine craving. “The findings are consistent with the hypothesis that romantic love is a specific form of addiction.”

The study also helps to explain “why feelings and behaviors related to romantic rejection are difficult to control” and why extreme behaviors associated with romantic rejection such as stalking, homicide, suicide, and clinical depression occur in cultures all over the world, the researchers wrote.

(original study in the Journal of Neurophysiology via ScienceDaily via boingboing)

***

Yep, more evidence that Ke$ha may be a genius (what, you haven’t heard that she got near-perfect SATs???)

#drugs #love #pop culture references #psychology #neurobiology

2 years ago on July 26, 2010 at 01:56pm

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Title: Once And Never Again Artist: The Long Blondes 31 plays

Once and Never Again*, The Long Blondes

The Long Blondes’ album Someone to Drive You Home came out in 2006, the year of the last breaths of my relationship with J. He sent me this album with a note that said, “I think you’ll like this.” Of course, he was right. He always was about those things. After all, what good does it do to date someone for eight years if you cannot predict what kind of music your partner will like.

At the time J gave it to me, the circumstances of the situation made me into a jerk, as often happens when one wants out, and the other has a hard time accepting that reality. Ugh, another gesture of love! I listened to it once and then not again for three more years. It was an act of rebellion against my history of relying on men to introduce me to music, from the Dave Matthews phase thanks to a high school crush to Iron & Wine via my college crush who was into Asian girls (but not me) to my dad’s oldies to basically everything else I listened to thanks to J. I resented owing so much of my identity to others, namely men. (In hindsight, perhaps that was the ultimate reason I broke things off with J).

Even now, I have trouble letting a guy into my life through music. Several have come and gone, leaving behind songs and albums that act as vestiges of the ambivalence inherent in every foregone relationship. The emotional connections cut too deep. (After a particularly abrupt and painful breakup, I couldn’t listen to Bjork for almost a year because of our shared affinity for that awesomely crazy lady).

Back to the Long Blondes. I’m finally able to listen to the album and appreciate its feminist power, its danceworthiness, the way that it taps into the part of me that wishes I were talented enough, riot grrrl enough to lead an all-female rock band. I am glad I waited years to revisit the album, knowing that I like it because I like it. Not because my musically savvy boyfriend likes them and thinks I would like them. Don’t get me wrong. There’s something very special about having someone know you so intimately that they can reliably predict what music you’ll like, what food you’ll order, whether or not you’ll cry at a movie. But at this point in my life, I find it stifling at the same time. I want to figure out myself, for myself. I know that it’s not a terminal process, but I don’t feel that I’m totally there with my self-integrity. I’m close. Or maybe I’m just scared. Who knows. Send a music recommendation my way, and we’ll see.

*I originally posted “Giddy Stratospheres”, but this song seems much more fitting.

#music #the long blondes #stories #love #dating #potential overshare

2 years ago on July 12, 2010 at 08:50am

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